Are you not like a regular mom?

Cool, me too! Subscribe now to Unpacified for exclusive tips, tricks, and info on upcoming events.
First Name
Secure and Spam free...

Parenting while Paranoid


Apparently the summer came and went, and I haven’t posted a damn thing. Truth be told, there has been so much chaos swirling around my orbit, I’m not sure I would have been able to get out out anything coherent if I tried. (Although I did manage to come out of retirement for this Hollywood Reporter story.)


With the beginning of fall, I have vowed to devote much more time to writing and to sharing much more of my bumbled attempts at being a mom. This week? My newest neurosis: Perpetual Parent Paranoia.


The last 12 months have seemed to go by in a blur of floor samples, moving boxes and salted caramel yogurt, so as we approach her third (!) birthday, it blows my mind how much Tallulah has grown and learned over this past year. What’s more? I really, really like the person she’s becoming: funny, clever, adventurous, sweet and mischievous. But becoming her own person means that one day she’s going out into this world on her own, and I won’t always be around to protect her.


Let me be super blunt: that’s a really fucked up thing for her to do. She’s just going to grow up!? Like, seriously? She’s going to want to go places without me? She’s going to want to drive a car? She’s going to want to travel or go to college? Oh, hell no. Not on my watch.


I’m gonna back my psycho ass up for one minute…


A few weeks back, I got a text from our nanny that there was a pretty creepy, seemingly intoxicated guy at our neighborhood park that had made her uncomfortable. Laguna Beach couldn’t really be much safer a place, but at the end of the day it’s a beach city with lots of out of town visitors, particularly in the summer. And, honestly, people like to do drugs at the beach. It is what it is.


To hear our nanny tell it, he wasn’t aggressive or even much larger than she was (and she’s a small person), but he approached them, and it freaked her out enough to grab the pepper spray from her purse, pack up everything else and head home.


She wasn’t sure if she was blowing it out of proportion and was worried she might have been rude, but she said he just gave her the creeps. I reminded her of what she says to Tallulah every time they walk down the stairs: “Safety first!” (If you’re feeling uncomfortable, your LAST concern should be if you’re being impolite.) Our neighborhood park is popular and always busy, and we made sure to let other parents and caregivers know, but it seems it was a random thing because no one has seen him lurking around since.


Maybe he really was just some stoner who decided to go sit at the park, but I still couldn’t shake this hideous feeling that took over: I felt wildly out of control. My husband and I may have gone to the park to look around. Maybe I brought a tennis racket. (At the time I thought it to be a more sophisticated choice than a bat.) And to be honest, the feeling of soul-crushing worry hasn’t much gone away.


Yesterday, I went to LA for the day to celebrate one of my best friend’s new fall fashion collection, and the thought of being 60 miles away from my daughter sent me into a bit of tailspin before I left. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, because underneath the surface is a glacier of fucking crazy. I have alarms on every window and door of our house, and am really having a hard time letting anyone besides me drive her anywhere. Luckily, I’m in love with our preschool so that’s not an issue, but I did almost get into a fight with a 7-year-old at the beach. But honestly, he was sort of a dick. God forbid I even hear the first few notes of Lady Gaga’s “Til It Happens to You” without losing my fucking mind.


You wanna know a cool television show to watch when you’re struggling with parenting anxiety? I would too, because it sure is shit ain’t The Handmaid’s Tale. I love her so much that even the remote idea of anything bad ever happening to her crushes my heart. God bless the poor young boy (or girl, I’m a love-is-love kind of mom) that one day wants to take her on a date.



I wish I could wrap up this post with some really poetic, thoughtful insight to help calm the rattled cage of any parent, but I haven’t gotten there yet. I guess this is what people mean when they say, “it’s a parent’s job to worry.” And if that’s the case, I need a raise…because I’m fucking CRUSHING it.


(***Forty-five minutes later***)


Fine. I guess, the takeaway is that, as parents, all we can do is our best, right? To talk to our children, endlessly…and without mercy. To remind them that even though they are small, they are also fierce and their voices are loud. To somehow teach them to not live in fear, while always being thoughtful, smart and aware. To teach them to be brave, but not careless. To teach them to be compassionate, but not foolish. To teach them to weigh risk and reward, and to always consider the consequence of an action, even if they know they’ll choose it anyway. To teach them that there is goodness in the world and to have faith in people, but to always trust their instincts.


I have a folded up letter that I stuck inside a book and shoved to the bottom of some storage box. I’m not totally certain where it is now, but it’s around. It’s a note from someone I love very dearly, but who is no longer a part of my life. And it was one of the best gifts he ever gave me.


It read: “Leslie, in this life, have more fun than you can handle, but always be the one in control.”


And one day, I think that’s exactly what I’ll tell my kid.



  1. Avatar
    VictorLap 1 month ago

    Ybdpqs rgdocb cialis coupon cvs Jqfqzg bkusnt take cialis tadalafil vs sildenafil

  2. Avatar
    JamesTilky 1 month ago

    they essential to retail; even the doomed is determinant cialis generic Daytime to life-threatening the severity.

  3. Avatar
    StephenKem 1 month ago

    how to get viagra without a doctor viagra discount viagra without a doctor prescription

  4. Avatar
    Jamesinvop 1 month ago

    cialis canada generic cialis for sale cialis before and after

  5. Avatar
    TravisVen 4 weeks ago

    viagra order generic viagra how much is viagra

  6. Avatar
    EddieAculp 4 weeks ago

    male erection pills best online canadian pharmacy ed doctors

  7. Avatar
    Jamesnig 4 weeks ago

    where can i buy viagra over the counter buy ed pills online canada viagra

  8. Avatar
    Jamesnig 4 weeks ago

    buy generic 100mg viagra online buy viagra generic canadian pharmacy viagra

  9. Avatar
    Jamesnig 4 weeks ago

    discount viagra generic viagra online when will viagra be generic

  10. Avatar
    Jamesnig 4 weeks ago

    viagra pills viagra viagra canada

  11. Avatar
    Jamesnig 3 weeks ago

    no prescription viagra buy viagra online viagra no prescription

  12. Avatar
    Ernestoffem 3 weeks ago

    ed supplements generic cialis drug pharmacy

  13. Avatar
    Ernestoffem 3 weeks ago

    best non prescription ed pills Cheap Erection Pills ed remedies that really work

  14. Avatar
    Ernestoffem 3 weeks ago

    injections for ed ed drugs male ed pills

  15. Avatar
    Ernestoffem 3 weeks ago

    ed meds online Cheap Erection Pills buy ed pills online

  16. Avatar
    DannyTorma 3 weeks ago

    cialis without a doctor prescription buy cialis online cialis prices

  17. Avatar
    DannyTorma 3 weeks ago

    tadalafil vs cialis buy cialis free cialis

  18. Avatar
    BruceGow 2 weeks ago

    erectile dysfunction cure buy ed pills online natural ed medications
    top erection pills

  19. Avatar
    BruceGow 2 weeks ago

    ed treatment natural canada ed drugs do i have ed
    online drugs

  20. Avatar
    BruceGow 2 weeks ago

    shots for ed medications for ed natural remedies for ed problems
    buy online drugs

  21. Avatar
    Michealspils 2 weeks ago
  22. Avatar
    Michealspils 2 weeks ago
  23. Avatar
    Michealspils 2 weeks ago
  24. Avatar
    Michealspils 2 weeks ago
  25. Avatar
    WilliamFex 2 weeks ago

    best place to buy generic drugs buy generic drugs from canada medications

  26. Avatar
    WilliamFex 2 weeks ago

    tadalafil online buy cheap tadalafil

  27. Avatar
    WilliamFex 2 weeks ago

    buy generic drugs online buy generic drugs online

  28. Avatar
    WilliamFex 1 week ago
  29. Avatar
    WilliamFex 1 week ago

    payday loans no credit check speedy cash payday loans online

  30. Avatar
    Stephensob 4 hours ago

    viagra over the counter walmart buy viagra generic viagra for sale

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

You may like

Are you not like a regular mom?

Cool, me too! Subscribe now to Unpacified for exclusive tips, tricks, and info on upcoming events.
First Name
Secure and Spam free...